Baby boy, I wake up and think of you. I go to sleep and think of you. You are that fire that burns inside me, that determination to make a change, to help others. I promise to make you proud. I promise to be the best mummy to you and your sisters. 2 years ago Read More…
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Happy 1st Birthday Our Angel Shayen
As I sit here on the eve of what should have been my son’s 1st birthday, I find myself struggling to find words to accurately express how I’m feeling. In the last year, so much has happened and so much has changed. I’ve changed, my family has changed. On a day that should have been Read More…
Bereavement Sucks
“Good Morning” I said chirpily to one of my colleagues as I walked into the office one sunny morning. “Good Morning” she replied, just as happily. We asked about each other’s weekends and exchanged pleasantries. She told me that she was aching all over after being in the garden all weekend. It had been a Read More…
Papa’s Angel – By Kevin Vara
As it’s Father’s Day, I wanted to write this piece for those fathers who are also part of the ‘bereaved parent’ club…because it does take 2 to make a baby you know?? The below has been written by me in the words of my husband, Kevin. Who like me, misses our son Shayen every single Read More…
International Day of the Bereaved Midwife
Yesterday, Saturday 5th May, was International Day of the Midwife. I marked yesterday by wishing my two amazing midwives a happy day and asking them to send pictures of themselves so that I could write this post, dedicated to them and all those extraordinary women out there who we call midwives. I then found Read More…
Breaking The Eggshells
It’s been a tough few weeks. After being on leave for 8 months, I decided that it was time to go back to work. I had mentally prepared myself for it to be awkward, difficult and emotionally draining. However, I’m pleasantly surprised at how easy it’s been to integrate myself back into the work Read More…
God? Are you there?
The age old question. Asked again and again from one generation to the next. Debated for many years by millions of people. Questioned daily, often by people going through hard or troubling times. Does God exist? Some argue that if a higher being did exist, tragedies wouldn’t happen in the world. If there was Read More…
The Invisible Thread
One of the biggest lessons that I’ve learnt during this journey is LIFE GOES ON. It might feel like the world is standing still or that time has stopped. But it hasn’t. Birthday’s come, Christmas comes, and yes… Mother’s Day comes. I’ve tried my hardest to just keep super busy during these milestone days. Read More…
Heaven Gained An Angel
Thursday 7th September. The day this whole nightmare became our reality. The day a piece of my heart left me. The day we buried our son. The night before had been spent barely sleeping. I’ve often talked about feeling breathless. Like I can’t catch my breath or forget to breathe. The night before Shayen’s Read More…
A Letter to Our Son
I wrote and read the following letter to Shayen on the day of his funeral. This has to be the hardest piece of writing that I have shared so far and to be honest, at first, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to share something so personal. However, the people who have been reading Read More…